I was raised and educated to be a Catholic. I attended Catholic schools from grade school until I graduated in college. My husband is a Buddhist and one of his uncles is an esteemed monk. Believe it or not, religion has never been an issue with us.
I sometimes go to Catholic church here by myself or with friends. My husband has never stopped me from practicing my religion and I the same with him. He reacted positively to my mother’s suggestion to have our son baptized in the Catholic church. However, it was I who chose not to.
There are times when my husband and I talk about our son’s religion and we always conclude that we would let him choose for himself. For now, we believe that we should inculcate in him the belief in a higher being. I asked my husband what if our son choose the Islamic religion? He just said that as long as he knows what he wants and he’s not hurting anybody, then it’s fine with him. I was shocked with his open-mindedness with this topic, but I’m glad that having different religions is not a hindrance to our relationship as a couple and as a family.
The total number of foreign spouses in Korea is more than 116,000, or 160,000 if those who have acquired Korean citizenship are included. And I know more than 40 of them personally. The number of Filipino men and women who are married to Koreans is 5,306. It’s a little less than I expected but then that figure doesn’t include those who are now Korean citizens. What surprised me is the increasing number of Cambodian spouses.
Foreign spouses surpass 110,000
By county, Chinese formed the biggest group of foreign spouses with 66,115 or 57 percent, followed by Cambodia with 25,640 and Vietnam with 23,301. Filipinos and Japanese numbered 5,306 and 5,711, respectively.
The Chinese as the biggest group of foreign spouses is not surprising at all. This number includes those who are of Korean descent. My sister-in-law’s brother is married to one, a Chinese national with purely Korean heritage.
Some 86 percent of them have lived in Korea less than four years and more than 30 percent of them lived in Gyeonggi Province including Incheon. Seoul has about 25 percent of the foreign spouses, South Gyeongsang Province including Busan has 12 percent, while 10 percent of them live in Jeolla Province including Gwangju.
I didn’t expect to know that more than half of the foreign spouses live in urban areas like Seoul, Incheon, Gwangju and Busan, considering that 96 percent are Asian. There’s a preconceived notion that if you’re an Asian here, you must have come from a poor background and that you’re married to a Korean farmer living in a rural area.
A Korean farmer committed suicide after beating his Filipina wife and three children. I thought it’s an old story but it isn’t. About three or four years ago, a man seriously injured his Filipina wife and his kids too because of jealousy and killed himself after. He thought his wife was having an affair with a Filipino man.
The news report below connected the suicide to the man’s threatened livelihood. He was a cattle farmer and US beef import is a big issue in Korea now. I thought the man is a coward and irresponsible. If he himself is worried of his livelihood, how could he then beat his family and leave them by themselves!
Second cattle farmer commits suicide, injures family
The 41-year-old farmer, who is only identified by his surname Lee and lives in the town of Wolbong-ri, Nasan-myeon, Hampyeong County, was found dead in his home after drinking herbicide at approximately 4:40 a.m. on May 5. Immediately before his suicide, Lee allegedly attempted to kill his 36-year-old wife, who is from the Philippines, and his three children by beating them with a farm-machine implement. The four members of his family were sleeping at the time.
Read the rest of the story here.
Here in Korea, it’s not common to have a maid or a househelp. Labor here is sooooo expensive. I once met a Filipina here who asked me if I knew anyone who would like to hire a maid. I was able to find her a nice Korean family. She asked for 600,000 won a month for a 5-days a week 10-hours a day work schedule. I would love to have someone who I can trust to help me with household chores and take care of my son from time to time when I need to do some errands. I guess that’s next to impossible for now.
While checking out Pinoyexchange this morning, I came across the story of a couple who got robbed by their maid. Let this serve as a warning to people out there…
Modus operandi of a maid
I would like to share to you the sad fate we faced with a maid who robbed us. Her name is Cecelia Lazo Pacis, a native of Lupao, Nueva Ecija, as evidenced by a copy of the police clearance presented to us. I was able to interview her on April 12, 2008 when she arrived with her Auntie Letty at my mother’s house. She came with her auntie because according to her, she does not know much about Manila and is afraid to travel.
At the course of the interview, she told me that she stayed in her last employer for three years. But when the granny she is taking care of died, she went back to Lupao. She further told me that she does not avail day-offs from her employer. She offered to bring a police clearance should we chose to hire her.
Believing that this maid is a good person, we officially hired her as house help last April 18, 2008. We asked her, how she would like to be called, she told us to call her Celia. At the time she went to my mother’s house with her aunt in tow, I was made to believe that she really knew very little about Manila. Their sincerity of coming to our place with her aunt is one factor why we hired her. The offer to present a police clearance is another factor.
We still have an existing house help at home, Lorna, who is scheduled to leave first week of May. On April 19 and 20, 2008, first two days of working at our place, Celia showed no sign of irregularity. She even performed household chores very well.
On April 21, 2008 (Monday), the two maids were left at home as my husband and I have work. She made a story to Lorna that she knows of an employer who could give Lorna a high salary. She even offered to advance Lorna’s fare to Baclaran.
Believing on the story Celia concocted, Lorna went to Baclaran. According to Lorna, Celia gave the cell phone number of her Auntie Letty who will accompany the employer to Baclaran. They were exchanging text messages all along, updating Lorna of where they are (Auntie Letty and the employer) from time to time.
Around 3pm, Auntie Letty texted Lorna to inform her that the bus encountered problems and had malfunctioned. She also told Lorna that she had terrible headache that time. She then instructed Lorna to go back home and will just text her the following day.
Around 6pm, my husband and I arrived at our residence. No one was in there. Celia left the back door open. We were surprised to found out that Celia robbed us of all jewelries and my husband’s personal valued stuffs. She forcibly opened our drawer with the use of a screwdriver. I checked on the maid’s room and found out that she had no more personal belongings there. Lorna went home at around 8pm as the money offered by Celia as fare is not sufficient.
We reported the incident to the barangay, went to two precincts and even went to address on the police clearance she presented, only to find out that she gave a fictitious address.
We never imagined that this could happen to us because the maid is really good in concocting stories. I believe that Celia and her partner in crime, Auntie Letty have been doing this modus operandi for a long time as they have already perfected their story.
You will not have any idea that she can do such crime because she acted really good. Even the people who have met her say that they couldn’t believe that she can do it because of innocent looks.
I hope that this modus operandi will serve as an eye opener to everyone and could only wish that we will be her last victim.
Have you heard of Judith Alegre Fernandez? She was the first naturalized Korean to run for a seat at the National Assembly. I read her interview that was posted on the Migrants in Korea website. She came here 15 years ago when she got married to a Korean and had two kids. Her husband died a few years ago and has since remarried.
In her interview, she admitted that she sent her children back home to the Philippines to study as they were being discriminated at school (in Korea) and were unhappy (I really wonder about this since they also studied here for a quite a while before she sent them home). After reading this, I asked my co-members at a Yahoogroup about their children’s experiences in school. As a mother of a toddler now, who will soon go to school, I felt that I needed to know what it’s like for a “mixed” child to go to school in Korea. The son of one my friends here has been a consistent class leader since he was in grade three. I have very close friends here who also married to Koreans and have children. We always talk about our experiences and I don’t remember us mentioning anything on discrimination in school.
Anyway, here’s what my friends have said on their emails…
From a mother of two in Jeonju…
my kids as i know havent experienced discrimination in their school. in fact they are popular kasi alam sa school na english teacher ako,..minsan lang nahihirapan ako sa junbi-mul nila, kasi wala me time masyado…
some of their classmates visited here and even call me Imo. some even wished na sana daw ako na lang nanay nila…kasi good mother daw ako,at teacher pa.hehehe…
ewan ko lang si *****, kasi grade 2 na rin anak niya…
i know some pinays send their kids to school,but many send them there para makapag work yata sila mas mabuti dito.gaya ng isa kong kakilala balak niya ipadala sa pinas mga anak nila,(2)..para daw makapag work silang mag-asawa mabuti,pero di yata pumayag ang koreano niya…
yung ibang kids they really experience discrimination, lalo na yung mga local na local ang itsura,tapos di pa nag-i excell sa school subjects lalo na sa korean class..ang nany ay di marunong
magkorean,di man lang maturuan ang anak sa lessons…natural yun ***, kasi kahit mga korean kids na di marunong sa school,at mahirap ay nararanasan yang discrimination, kahit naman sa atin e….syempre yung mga walang kaalam alam e di masyadong kinakaibigan ng mga bata…at
kahit na ako rin…..yung mga students ko sa school,mga bobitos yung iba..hay naku….
dito sa amin,may pinay na maraming anak,discriminated sila e,kahit ng mga kapwa nila taga church, kasi ang dudungis ng mga bata,mababaho, parang hindi nagsusuklay at di naliligo..yung mga
batang yun,kung sa kapwa ng nanay nila e nakakaranas ng discrimination, how much more sa mga batang koreano at sa teachers nila sa school…i sometimes meet the nanay,and even my kids don’t
want to play with the daughter kasi daw marumi nga..i talk to my kids they should treat them kindly,but how can i control my kids’ mind?..
there is discrimination everywhere.. ….not only here in korea…but anywhere and everywhere.. …..
From a mother of two in Ilsan…
so far sa akin, wala naman pero pinaghandaan ko na yan.. I talked to my daughter about it na, and challenge her to be proud of having mixed blood and chances to learn two different cultures and languages. Kaya we are the bridge of their future talaga especially sa English.
In that case, depende siguro sa situation, the place and the status of life or sa kasikatan ng isang inang pinay. Let’s say, masakit mang tanggapin sa ating mga pinay na ganito minsan mag isip ang ibang koreans lalong lalo na sa mga batang koreans na wlang alam sa buhay natin sa pinas.
Minsan kasi yon ang naging resulta sa mga palabas sa TV about the poverty of Philippines, lalong lalo na sa mga poor places sa atin. Yon ang makikitang mga bata sa TV kaya minsan hindi natin maialis sa kanila na sumbatan ang mga batang anak pilipina. Pero sana, to all pinay mothers, aim high tayo, hwag magpatalo sa kanila. Ipakita natin na mas maganda ang education sa pinas at how to discipline our children.
Hwag kayong mag-aala sa ganyang issue…
From a mother of one in Uljin…
May nabasa rin akong article anak naman sya nang kano class president din ang anak nya pero may hinaing din sya sa mga ka school mate nang anak nya. Although popular ang anak nya sa ibang bata ay marami din daw ang galit at inggit sa anak nya don daw nahihirapang intindihin nang anak nya ang ganong sitwasyon, Ang sa akin ay may punto si **** at ***** nasa nagpapalaki rin iyon nang nanay at kung gaano makihalubilo ang parents nang bata sa mga koreans. Makihalubilo ka nang maayos sa kanila. Laging maayos at malinis ka at ang anak mo lagi. Huwag kang maging balat sibuyas konting bagay lang ay dapat pagpasensyahan at isipin kung paano malulutas ang problema. Kung maaari ay lagi mong ihalo ang bata sa pakikipaglaro sa mga batang korean habang maliit pa. kahit ako di ko pasasamahin sa mga batang bulok at maiitim ang mga ngipin at palamura ang anak ko at may ADD.Anak ko ay ok naman may bestfriend na sya at may kaaway din okey na yun sa akin at gustong gusto niyang pumasok sa school nya kasi kung ayaw e may problema so kuntento na ako,
From a mother of two in Seoul…
halu, being here in korea for 14 years i just thought i needed to throw in my two cents ^^
back when my son was in preschool, it didn’t really matter that he’s half-pinoy. sa age na yun nde pansin ng mga bata kung foreign ang parent mo or not, but what matters is kung marunong ka or nde ng korean. kasi if nde marunong ng korean ang bata, the other kids would actually wonder why, which will actually be the start na they would realize na that certain kid is different. dun na magu-umpisa yung sinsabi nating discrimination, its not even about the kids being half something else, it’s just because of the fact that the kid can’t speak korean well. kasi kahit nga yung mga nde half-foreign na late ang speech development nadi-discriminate. you can’t blame them, they’re just kids.
in my case, living with my in laws since the beginning became an advantage. kasi i never really felt any difficulty teaching my kid korean kasi maraming nagtuturo, he even became my korean practice
partner, magkasabay kami natutong “magsalita” ^^
he’s good in korean, never had any difficulty conversing, grew up being praised by teachers and other moms kasi he speaks well, madaldal at he takes part sa lahat ng activities sa school. he’s been class pres or vice pres since 3rd grade, til now(6th grader na sya). there was never a time na he questioned why his mom is different that all the other moms.
i raised him to be proud of who he are and to be proud of his mom. lagi kong cnasabi na he’s lucky to have a foreign mom, kasi unlike the other kids he has the opportunity to learn 2 languages, 2 cultures, isa pa he’s got two countries!i made sure na boosted lagi self-confidence nya, make him realize na he’s got the edge, and he can be better than all the other kids if he just wanted to. minsan iniisip ko nga baka yumabang naman ng maiigi hehehe, well actually, there was a time that we had to teach him how to keep his feet on the ground. we also helped him trim his wings ^^*
when he became a grade schooler, i was the one who actually avoided going to his school kasi baka nga makasama sa kanya. kasi if based on looks, he’s not that much different than all the other korean kids. so isip ko if hindi nila alam na foreign ang nanay, wala naman cgurong manunukso sa kanya. pag may gagawin sa school, i sent my husband or my mom-in-law or my brod-in-law. hanggang dumating yung tym na yung anak ko na mismo ang namilit sa akin na magpunta ng school.
2nd grader(2nd sem) na sya when i started going to his school. he was just so proud. when he saw me, sigaw agad sya “om-ma!”. all the other kids looked at me, some were surprised, some looked perplexed and yung mga cnabihan ng anak ko na pinay ang nanay nya were just like “ah, yan pala mama nya”
some kids asked, “mama mo yan?” and he’d answer, “o, uri omma ya, pilipin e-so wa-so” (yup shes my mom she’s from the philippines) or “ku-re uri omma pilipin saram ya” (yes, my moms a filipina) and dahil he just sounded so proud and at ease, wala din nasabi yung mga classmates, then the attention turned to me. syempre ang unang mga tanong is ajumma, where are you from? or why is my skin dark samantalang maputi naman anak ko? yung iba nga ang tanong agad is if im from africa hehehe. some even asked me to say a few filipino words and they would just be “waaaaa~~!!! ”
but what made the kids feel at ease is the fact that i speak korean. magaling or nde doesn’t matter just the fact na i can converse with them and actually understand what they’re saying is more than enough.
the word “wang-ta” came to life here in korea not because of the half-foreign kids. talagang maraming mga kids na nakakaexperience ng discrimination be they full blooded koreans or not. so i don’t really think na just because the kid is half-foreign, prone na sya to discrimination. depende na rin sa bata na yan, and how he’s brought up.
kung nakapanood kayo nung program na “uri a-i tal-la-jo-seo- yo”, all of the kids na pinalabas dun are the way they are because of the way they were brought up. talagang after the professional evaluation nalabas na nasa habit and ways ng parents ang problema why the kid acts like he/she does. and the way na magamot yung ways na yun ng bata ay nasa pagbabago ng ways ng parents na rin.
still its a case by case basis like yung namention ata ni ate **** na pag mukhang pinoy na pinoy yung kid nadi-discriminate dahil sa looks. but i know this kid na half sri-lankan na talagang dark skinned at mukhang foreign talaga but he’s doing okay, he’s proud of who he is and how he looks like doesn’t even matter.
one more thing, nasabi na yata dito but would just like to say again, it’s also important for your kid to see you spending some time with all the other moms, like all the other korean moms. the more na
ipinapakita mo sa bata na you’re not different than all the other moms and that you can mingle like all the other korean moms, and that you can talk to their teachers and do what every other korean mom does, (like go to school picnics, be a PTA officer, participate sa events in school),the more the kid will realize na theyre no different than all the other kids. and that will give them the self-confidence they need in life.
so what im saying is as a parent, be the example. kung ikaw mismo nahihiya, ikaw mismo nde marunong magkorean or is not even making an effort to learn, ikaw mismo ayaw makihalubilo… ganun din mangyayari sa anak mo kasi yun ang nakikita nila. Show them you’re confident. Show them you can beat the odds. Show them na you’re not running away coz things get rough. Show them what you want them to be. Kids do what they see. So show they what they need to see.
it may sound simple pero mahirap din lalo na sa mga working moms or financially challenged families kaya lang we made our choices and we have to stand by it. just do what you think you can.
and just remember…. . Self-confidence is a must. ^^
mabuhay~!^^
ps
my daughter’s a 2nd grader, and shes following in her brods footstep. mas easier sa 2nd kid, kasi all they do is follow their elder brod or sis ^^. so importante talaga you do things right sa first kid mo. but if you missed the chance it’s never too late to try again. ^^
pps
mahaba masyado nde ko na maproof read pasensya na po sa typo’s at grammatical errors ehehe ^^
I live in Seoul and I don’t really really worry about my kid experiencing discrimination in school. Like what one of my friends had said, it could happen anywhere. Even in Philippine schools, discrimination happen among Filipino kids (I had some dark-skinned classmates in school and they got treated badly!) And that’s true, isn’t it? It’s really just a matter of how you bring up your kid. If he encountered an obstacle or a difficulty in life, should you just send him away so he could avoid it? Or teach him how to face all those difficulties because you know that there are just some things you can’t avoid?
